I love personal development and New Years Resolutions are like crack for a self-improvement junkie like me. But, every year that I had new years resolutions, I’d crash off that high around mid-January.
I never understood why. I loved setting goals and journaling, and all the other things that a self-proclaimed personal development junkie like myself would do. Still, I would get burned out and revert to my old self.
My motivation for making all these changes was because I didn’t like who I was and what I did with my life. I used to base if I was making progress in my life if I could see the change with my eyes, (my outward appearance). Not only just what my body looked like, but how my entire life looked from the outside. I would be a success if it were obviously apparent everything was going in an upward trajectory: my career, finances, weight, fashion sense, possessions, house, etc.
Thanks to that, my goal to change my life for the better became very complicated. Each New Years Resolution had many layers, like new routines, rules, and processes. Like, I had to wake up and only eat certain types of food. I could only have things in my home that fit the “minimalist” label, etc. Eventually, it all got so complicated and intense that I would do a complete 180 on all these new years resolutions and revert to being the person I didn’t like from the year prior.
Does any of this sound familiar? If it does, keep reading for today’s episode of the podcast. Today, I’m talking about the ONLY New Years Resolution you need to set and keep for yourself: only doing things that are true to who you really are (not who you think you should be or what you’re expected to be). Essentially, we’re talking about how having “live authentically” is the only goal you need to set because it will help you take the necessary actions to improve your life in all the ways you truly want.
Think of your past goals; how many were based on getting external validation?
For example, if you have a goal to lose weight so that you look better when you go out. Or, like a goal to keep your house clean because you follow Instagram influencers that post pictures of their beautiful and clean homes? Maybe your goal is to earn a promotion at work to impress your in-laws or to make more money to buy things to share on social media.
The motivation for these goals (good reactions from other people) is unreliable and not sustainable. You can’t control other’s judgments of you, and also, when they eventually move their attention on to something other than you, you’ll need to find more fuel for your motivation (more people). It’s like doing twice the work because not only do you have to take the literal action of your goal, but then you have to do the work of finding an endless supply of people praising you for your achievements.
These kinds of goals pop up if you feel like you have to do them like you should do them thanks to your labels’ rules. Like, if you carry the “nice girl” label as I used to for so long, then you probably have goals to benefit other people than you, like going to school because your parents wanted you to, or saving money for a new tool your husband wants even though you don’t want it.
Having “living authentically” as your primary goal helps you filter out busy work and only keeps your Higher Self goals
If you’ve ever felt lost and KNEW there’s more for you out there, but wake up each day with a seemingly endless pile of “to-do’s,” where it feels like you’re running fast to get to nowhere quickly, this section is essential. When you take the labels off you’ve had for years (or even labels your family, friends, or society has put on you) and you survey what’s important to you, the to-do list becomes much shorter, and the path forward more clear. When you can look at your life with JUST your perception and no one else’s, you don’t get bogged down with doing things just because that’s what you’re “supposed” to do, and you do things because they reflect who you truly are.
Like, if you’ve been labeling yourself as a wife and mom and you still feel lost but busy all the time, then try lifting those labels. What are you doing aligned with JUST you? Sure, you’re still married with children, but that doesn’t mean that 100% of your time has to be devoted to that because those are your labels. What percentage of your time is devoted to pursuing something simply because you wanted it?
If you feel like you’ve just been floating through life with no purpose and have shamed yourself the entire time, then acting as you truly are will point you in the right direction.
So, you might be wondering, “How do you live authentically?”
It’s as simple as practicing to make each decision throughout your day as your higher self (the version of you that you want to become).
- Define who your higher self is, NOT what she has accomplished (you’re more than what you do and how well you do it). Using the “worth comes from accomplishments” logic keeps you chasing new routines and resolutions that get you to a result as quickly as possible but aren’t aligned with your real you. For example, if you want to make more money to be able to live more generously, but you take a promotion in a company that makes its money by taking advantage of people. The result doesn’t justify the means of achieving it, especially if the cost of reaching the finish line is compromising your values.
- Define your core values. These are like personality traits about yourself that you admire, not connected to society labels or your connection to other people. They are WHO you are, not WHAT you do. (P.S. I have a super-helpful free journal that will walk you through how to do that!)
- Look at each decision as a scale moment. You have the power to change the trajectory of your life infinitely each day, and you’re probably just overlooking them. Each moment you make a decision in your day is a chance to become more aligned with your core values and your Higher Self. From big decisions like if you want to continue your career to small decisions like what outfit you want to wear each day. Which side will win? The urge to receive external validation or your higher self?
The Big Picture
Taking off labels and living authentically doesn’t sound as sexy as a list of new years resolutions, believe me, I know. It also doesn’t seem like it would have the power to change your life for the better as a long list of new rules for the way you think you should live would.
But suppose you make your primary goal this year just making decisions throughout your day based on what YOU wanted and not because you’re trying to impress someone else. In that case, I promise this year can be when everything changes.
If you want personalized help making this year be the year you break free from people-pleasing and labels, book a free consultation call with me. We’ll take the hour discussing where you are now, where you want to go, create a plan on how to get you, and see if coaching will make the difference.
To get started, find a date and time below that would work well for you (make sure to schedule it in your timezone!). Afterward, you’ll get an appointment confirmation and a link to use on Zoom at the time of our call. I can’t wait to talk to you then!
Additional resources to help you implement what we talked about today
- The 6-Step Self Empowerment Process — Episode 60 of the Monica Chats podcast
- How to Plan 2020 so that you’ll actually take action — Episode 46 of the Monica Chats podcast (It’s for 2020, but all the same concepts apply to today!)
- 4 Ways to Reinvent Yourself — Episode 50 of the Monica Chats podcast
- 7 steps to self-discovery for millennials — Episode 41 of the Monica Chats podcast