Today I’m talking all about how to deal with toxic people. It’s bad enough that we are already so hard on ourselves, but sometimes other people do it too.
Why is it that we always gravitate to questioning ourselves? Like when you come up with something awesome, but you’re too busy imagining what others say.
Let me ask you this: What if the worst happens and you tell someone and they do make fun of you for it? Have you ever told someone your idea or talked about something you’re passionate about and someone makes you feel stupid for even saying it?
Do you have someone who tries to bully you? Even if it’s passive-aggressively?
Unfortunately, this happens too often throughout our lives and can badly affect the way we think about ourselves. And if we let it, we can let the fear of someone’s reaction get in the way of our lives.
Today I’ve got three steps for you to do the next time someone wants to rain on your parade.
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My three Steps for how to Deal with Toxic People
It’s funny how sometimes the solutions to what seems like big, complicated problems are usually simple. These three steps are simple, but that doesn’t make them easy!
The key to what negative people say bounce off you is to keep practicing. The first time to you try to implement, you’ll probably fail. But that’s ok! The key to actually getting this down is by consistency!
1) Figure out if they’re actually trying to Make you feel bad
Here’s the truth: almost everyone is just as self-conscious as you are. I think we get to a point of obsessing about every move we make.
“Do I look weird? Am I saying something funny enough for people to laugh?” etc.
We spend so much time thinking everyone is looking at us and judging us that sometimes we forget to even just live for ourselves. But think about this… how often are you judging other people?
We’re really our own worst bully. So, think about this: would you ever say to someone else the worst things you say about yourself? You probably answered NO, right?
Is there any time that YOU could have inadvertently made someone feel small?
You may have read that and thought to yourself, “Well, of COURSE not! I’ve never made anyone feel that way”.
Which, I get, I would say the same thing, too. But I bring it up because sometimes things that people do or say can get misunderstood as something else.
For example…
I think that I’m a nice person, but sometimes the look on my face says otherwise. This usually happens when I’m hungry. I look angry and other people around me ask if they’ve made me upset. Of course, they didn’t, but it looks like I’m upset.
Are there times like this in your own life? If you answered yes, then chances are this happens to other people, too.
This is why making sure that someone is ACTUALLY trying to make you feel bad is the first step to getting over it.
2) Toxic people act the way they do because hurt people hurt people
Fear is a really powerful emotion that can make humans do weird things; like trying to bring you down. That’s why when you hear about bullies, you hear how they’re afraid of sticking out, so they try bringing others down to feel better.
Remember that phrase, “Misery loves company”? There’s a reason for that.
When someone is feeling miserable, they’ll try to bring someone else down along with them. It’s like a band-aid for their misery. It doesn’t actually create long-lasting healing, but it makes them feel better temporarily.
Healthy people that you actually want to be in your life won’t resort to being a bully.
When someone is actually living in their truth and happy about what they do, they don’t have the time to bring other people down. Their goal is probably to lift other people up.
If it’s someone close in your life that’s making you feel small, it’s important to tell them how you feel. If they’re someone that’s worthy to stay in your life and actually wants to; they’ll change.
But if not, it’s ok to let them go. You don’t need to stick with someone that makes you feel bad. This is really the first step for you to be able to deal with toxic people.
3) Rise above in your response.
Remember, people who are down are trying to bring other people down with them for personal gain. If you respond in the same way, you’re not going to feel better because you’ll sit and stew about what happened.
Even if you got a “good” come back in, that small victory will only last a short while. This doesn’t ultimately make you feel better.
Stick to what’s important to you and don’t have the same goals as a bully. Your goal should be to lift others up around you. Not bring people down.
I know you don’t want to be like that bully making you feel bad, so don’t try to turn around and do the same thing to them. It won’t do either one of you any good.
This is probably the hardest step with learning to deal with a bully, but this is what will make you feel better in the long run!
When in doubt, just remember this awesome quote:
“I walked away because you were too busy finding faults in me while I was too busy overlooking yours”
Author Unknown
What about you? Do you have steps you go through when someone tries to bully you and rock your confidence? How do you deal with a bully? I wanna know, leave a comment below!
This episode of Imperfection with Intention was recorded LIVE on Instagram and Facebook! Head on over there to hang out the next time I record live and submit questions there.
xo,
Monica
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