If you’re the type who feels like she should be satisfied settling for a nice life with a nice job and with a nice partner, but a little part of you cringes when you say that, this is for you. 

This episode will help you stop feeling lost because you’ll learn how to define and connect to your higher self and tap into her when you need it. This is how you can start to design your days and life instead of living them by default. 

But first, let’s talk about the (woo) elephant in the room.

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Why defining & connecting to your higher self is essential

I bet if you’ve never heard the phrase “connect with your higher self,” you’re probably thinking crystals, chakras, yoga, and spirituality, I know I did when I first heard it. 

This isn’t exactly what I’m talking about here. While I’m a lover of the woo, I tend to lean more strategic mindset than spiritual. So in this episode, when I talk about defining and connecting to your higher self, I’m actually talking about the future of you that has accomplished what you deeply desire. She embodies your best qualities.

Connecting with your higher self (a.k.a. future badass version of you) will be the game-changer for breaking out of the cycle of settling for a less-than-exciting life that I know you want to break out of. 

Knowing who you want to become and what’s important to her and the current version of you builds your trust in yourself. When you’re feeling lost, you’re not sure what direction to head in and don’t trust 100% that you’ll end up where you want to go no matter what. 

But when you know who you want to become and connect with your higher self, you know what to do. She’s already been through what you’re going through, so you can just ask her where to go next. (I know, sounds kind of meta, but stick with me.).

As you do this, you don’t get stuck in indecision, because you can easily think about your higher self to see what she direction she decided to go. 

It becomes much faster and simpler to make decisions when you look to you first. Like I mentioned in the last episode, asking for advice from other people is great, but they don’t know how to become the version of you what you want to be. Only you can figure that out. 

I bet you’re probably thinking about all the unknowns that happen in life. So, let’s talk about the stuff you can’t control. 

Circumstances, situations, and people change, and life throws curveballs, but that doesn’t mean you don’t have to a constant (psst.. YOU!)

If you’re trying to control things outside of you to change the way you feel about yourself and your life, you’ll always be in a losing battle. Like trying to make your partner more supportive of your big ambitions to feel more confident in yourself.

Doing things like this doesn’t address the real issue: the lack of belief you have in yourself. That’s why I never suggest putting your trust in a result happening in the “right” way, time, method, hack, or person. Really, if you’re trying to find something, “right,” you know you’re looking for an external thing (or person) to build your belief that you don’t have to keep living a lackluster life. 

However, the more time you spend defining and connecting with your higher self — the version of you that has everything you want — the more realistic having the life you want becomes. It becomes less of an intangible dream and more of an inevitable. It becomes not IF but WHEN.

You can bet when the life you want feels like an inevitability, roadblocks, circumstances, and other people getting in your way doesn’t spin you off course. 

Like we saw earlier, the higher version of you has already dealt with all that crap; she knows how to move all these obstacles out of her way. 

Oh, and did I mention the added benefit of continuing to connect with your higher self? The desire to be like someone else starts to fade away.

You don’t waste time comparing yourself and wishing you were different or someone else. 

I think there aren’t many things that are truly a waste of time; it’s a pretty short list. It includes:

• Regret (seriously, what does regret solve?)
• Spinning in the worst-case scenario (it’s just using your imagination to make you feel bad)
• Wishing you were more like someone else

Wanna know why I think that the last one is a waste of time? Because if your goal is to be like someone else, you’ll fall short. Every time. 

Not because you’re not great, but because there’s no way you can be better at being someone else. It’s just impossible. It’s like settling for being a watered-down, second rate version. 

You and I both want better for you. 

When you let yourself believe that you’re not only capable of a life you don’t have to settle for, but you know you can figure out how to actually do it, then there’s no need to be like anyone else. 

You know that there isn’t anything about you or your life that’s missing.

Ok, have I convinced you yet to start connecting with your higher self? I hope so! Now let’s get into the steps on how to start. 

Step #1: Get clear on who you want to be

Did you think I would suggest, “Think about what you want your life to look like“?

Most people just focus on material things or experiences they want to have. But this doesn’t work because it’s doesn’t give you longterm motivation because it’s not your real motivation. The most important part is to dig deeper and see why you want these things. How will it make you feel to have them? What will it mean about you?

Think about asking yourself deep-digging questions like this. These material things are future results you want, not who you want to become to get them.

For example, most people dream of being the type of person who travels a lot, but I doubt most of them would be cool with stealing another person’s money to do so. 

If you want to make a difference and impact your community and beyond in a certain way, ask yourself WHY. What would that mean about you? Keep asking yourself these two questions to each answer you give until you feel in your gut that you’ve gotten to the real root of the life/person you want to live. 

There’s another way to do this, too. They’re called Core Values. 

Clearly define your core values

Anytime I start with a new coaching client, I ask them to define themselves — in whatever way comes up for them. They usually list their marital status, religion, job title, sexual orientation, and other standard identifiers. 

But then I ask them to define themselves in a way that wouldn’t involve other people’s perception of them or other people or things in any way.

At this point, they usually give me a quizzical look like I’m speaking a different language. 

This is because we’re taught to fit in, be part of a pack, and find your people. Like a “you’re nothing if you can’t fit into neat labels in society,” mindset. But you never get challenged on what makes you, YOU.

That’s where core values come in. These are the personality traits and things you value and admire about yourself. (If you want more help defining what these are, download my Core Value Journal.)

Don’t get stuck on putting your identity (the definition of your higher self) on things outside of you. When you’re thinking about defining and connecting to your higher self, think about why you respect and admire her, not for the things she has and people she knows. 

Think tombstone stuff here. How do you want to be remembered? Probably not just by the car you drive or how many vacations you went on, right?

But it’s not just all about the shiny, glittering stuff. It’s about the hard stuff, too. Let’s talk about the shitty parts of life. 

Envision her in adversity 

We talked a little bit about this when it came to the parts of life that are unexpected. But let’s dig into the hard stuff. 

Envisioning how your higher self acts in adversity is crucial because the key to getting yourself out of a slump is taking courageous action despite your fear. 

When you’re stuck between a rock and a hard place (or just sitting at rock bottom), connecting to your higher self keeps you from being stuck there. She keeps you moving forward. 

She pulls you out of REACTION (and ultimately regret) and into ALIGNED and intentional action. 

I recently saw a woman post on a Facebook group asking whether she should publicly shame her ex-boyfriend on the internet because he cheated on her. I’m not saying there was a correct answer here, but it sounded like she wouldn’t usually do something like that if she weren’t hurt.

It made me curious about what her higher self would do. Like, when her higher self found the perfect relationship and is living her dream, would she look back on the public shaming and be glad she did?

When you find yourself at crossroads like this, connecting with your higher self makes it easy to decide. Try practicing tapping into her FIRST before an emotional reaction.

Take intentional action before and emotional reaction always.

Connecting to your higher self turns your failure into fuel to propel you into accomplishing your goals.

You’ll be able to look at your results objectively — good or bad — and use them to get to where you want to go. You know they’re not permanent — your higher self isn’t in an endless loop in that one failure.

Make sure to stay tuned for next week’s episode, where we dive further into this!

The Big Picture.

Connecting with your higher self is ultimately an exercise in strengthening your inner wisdom muscle. It’s the practice of designing your days (and ultimately your life) in a way that makes your wildest dreams inevitable. As you get better at creating that connection, the less you become stuck or spinning in indecision. 

It’ll feel weird to do, and for a while, it’ll feel like it’s not working, and you’ll want to give up. DON’T do that. Giving up and reverting your decisions is exactly how to stay right where you are. 

You can DO THIS. Your dreams (and your higher self) are counting on you to try.

xo,

Monica 

P.S. If you’re ready to start bringing your dreams to life and finally get over the negative self-talk stopping you, then we need to chat! I’m offering a free 1-on-1 virtual call to help you define your goals, pinpoint what’s actually stopping you from getting them and what steps you NEED to take to make them a reality. I can’t wait to talk to you then!

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