Have you ever done something you didn’t want to do but did it because it was expected of you? I know the answer is yes!
But what happens for major life decisions like what career you pursue, when to have a family, etc? I know I’ve done that WAY too many times and it led me to a point when I was unhappy and I didn’t know why.
Then I figured it was because I was making decisions and going through the motions of what other people wanted from me or what I thought was expected of me. I felt deeply unhappy because I wasn’t living in alignment with my authentic self.
After A LOT of inner work and discovery, I now live in alignment with who I authentically am. Although I do waiver sometimes, I’m only human!
I know it can seem crazy if you’re in the midst of trying to find your authentic self. If you’re reading this and wondering, “That’s great, Monica, but how do I do that?” then this episode of Imperfection with Intention is for you!
listen to the episode here
How to overcome expectations and be your authentic self
It’s really easy for us to define who we are in relation to other people. Especially for women. We see how other people live and put pressure on ourselves to blend in and live in the same way. And usually, that’s as a caretaker and a provider to others.
It can be so hard to be true to our authentic self because we put so much pressure on ourselves to live up to societal norms. But Charlsey has ideas on how to overcome that.
1. Have no judgment of ourselves or others.
Don’t focus on the expectations of who you think you should be. Charlsey mentions how she lived with an expectation of continuing her journey in the corporate world because that’s what her mother had done.
She always attached her worth to her performance. She mentions the quote, “The energy you bring to your day matters more than things you accomplish on your to-do list“. And that’s a good one to live by!
Most of the time, beliefs about ourselves and the expectations we place on ourselves start very early in life. We see what other people close to us are doing and we start to think we need to “fall in line” with what’s normal.
Here’s the thing, what’s normal is relative. For one person, it may be totally normal and traditional to brush their teeth immediately after dinner. Then to another person, normal may be waiting to brush right before bed.
I know those are simplistic examples, but this applies to anything! Just because people around you do something a certain way or live a different lifestyle doesn’t mean you have to as well.
1. Have no resistance.
When you start to feel like your life is going in a direction that makes sense for you, don’t fight it just because it goes against the grain. This is most likely your intuition telling you something in your life isn’t going the way it should.
Do you want to start your own company instead of climbing the corporate ladder? Do it! Wanna parent in a different way than other moms? Go for it! Don’t resist what your gut is trying to tell you.
3. Live in alignment with your authentic self
When you figure out who you are and how you want to live, then be in alignment with that. Don’t let societal expectations change who you are and how you want to live. Charlsey says this is where you start to live as who you’re meant to be. I know that sounds easier said than done, but even just a simple reminder of that to yourself every day can make a HUGE difference in your life!
It’s all about being intentional
Finding your authentic self is hard, of course, but living it every day? That’s the real hard part! When “comparison-itis” kicks in, and you start to doubt yourself and your journey, it’s hard to keep going down this authentic self path.
She suggests finding a coach or a neutral third party to help you stay strong and consistent. (Psssttt looking for a neutral coach that will help you make long-lasting change in life? I gotcha!)
Don’t be afraid to pray and cry. Shedding the person you think you should be and being the person you really are is hard work! We’re humans and we aren’t made to go at this journey perfectly. There’s going to be times when it feels impossible, so don’t keep your emotions in.
Are you going through that now? Here’s what to do
Charlsey says to Lean into your transition. It’s ok to not be ok sometimes! If you’re going through a personal transformation, all days are not going to be rosy. Life is messy and not perfect, and that’s ok!
The bad days are hard, but she’s got a few tips to keep you going.
Charlsey narrows it down to three words: Intention. Awareness and Alignment.
She decides how she wants to feel in a day and reminds herself throughout the day come back to her desired feeling. She has reminders on her phone to check in with herself and ask herself if she’s feeling the way she wanted to and to come back to herself.
Pin these tips for when you need them later!
Charlsey is a wife, mom of two, and an entrepreneur. She’s passionate about helping women gain the confidence they need to own and embrace who they are so they can be all they were created to be. She does this through Skincare Consulting with Rodan + Field and by leading a women’s empowerment community called Always Her.
what did you think about the episode?
I LOVED Charlsey’s energy and I’m so thankful she came on the show to share her story and tips. Now, I’d love to hear what you think! Let me know in the comments below or send me a Direct Message on Instagram @MonicaChats
If you liked these tips as living as your authentic self, then take the next step to dig deeper. I created a totally FREE Core Values Journal to help you find what your core values are and how they drive you and help you make important decisions. Make sure to grab your free copy by clicking the picture below!