Hey There! I'm Monica
I grew up in a tiny town in the middle of Missouri, and in poverty with no running water or working heat.
Why do I start on that sad note? Because living that way informed my decisions for so long.
I always had thoughts like: Get a secure job. And, Don’t spend time on creative hobbies like writing because security is more important than anything else.
The important stuff.
I worked for years in the fashion industry. A few years ago, I believed that to succeed in this world, you needed a “good” job with a proper title and an excellent benefits package. I was so scared NOT to get these things, I worked myself into the ground chasing the next promotion. I was afraid of living in poverty again.
The company I built my career in got great reviews on Glassdoor, they sold on-trend clothing, accessories, home goods, you name it. They carried big brands you’d know on Instagram. They were listed at the top of their category in employee satisfaction. What wasn’t to love?
But I still dreaded going into work every day.
I thought something was wrong with me. “This is a good job!” I’d tell myself. “You said you always wanted this”. These thoughts regularly ran through my head.
No matter how hard I tried to convince myself to like my work and that I was doing what I was meant to do, the misery was still there. Going into work every day was physically, mentally, and spiritually exhausting. Like, I’d get home from work and be so drained I couldn’t do anything else but binge Netflix.
Constantly having this internal battle took a severe toll on my health. I hated my job so much I had anxiety, and I gained weight. I didn’t have the energy to make healthy food, so it was always UberEats or Doordash. And working out? Yeah right….
My marriage? My misery crept into my relationship, too. We got into near-daily fights over stupid shit. Once I got us into a knock-down-drag-out fight because he wanted to leave a few minutes early to get the right parking spot for a movie we were headed to.
Then came the day all this boiled over. I’ll never forget the day for as long as I live. That morning I was driving to work (in rush hour traffic, of course), and I was trying to force myself to put my game face on.
I had my “quarterly review” where I’d sit with my boss and present my plan for the upcoming quarter to get more sales for my department.
But as hard as I tried, I couldn’t focus on my upcoming presentation or how I was going to get my team to sell more.
I only thought of one thing.
That morning when I drank my coffee, I saw a quote I scribbled down during one of my endless scrolls on my phone. It basically said, “Is the action you’re taking aligned with your purpose?”
Nothing I was doing was aligned with my purpose. The problem was, I didn’t have any idea WTF my purpose was.
The only thing I knew was it wasn’t this.
I knew right at that moment I couldn’t keep doing this job. I felt like my life was being sucked out of my body every time I went through those doors. I knew what I had to do.
I went into my 11 am meeting with my boss, handed her my “plan” for the upcoming quarter, and said, “Here’s my plan, but it won’t really matter” and quit. I literally had no plan. I didn’t have a job lined up (no matter how much my husband wanted me to), and I had Z.E.R.O. dollars in savings. Oh, and I can’t forget the massive student loan debt or credit card debt.
What ended up happening wasn’t quitting cold turkey. I wound up just stepping down from my position. The job I took wasn’t fulfilling either, but it paid the bills and didn’t stress me out every day.
This gave me a chance to actually figure out what I did want to do.
Was it all rainbows and unicorns after that? HELL NO.
I always questioned myself, was humiliated that my former peers at my job were now my managers, and money became realllll tight.
But this is when I started a blog that turned into a podcast that turned into a coaching business where I help other women get out from under the depressing weight of not living a purposeful life.
I struggled to get on my feet for over a year after that. But if I went back to that 11 am meeting, I’d do it all over again.
I don’t binge Netflix, I lost the extra weight and now eat [mostly] healthy meals and exercise regularly. I have energy and excitement when I wake up, and my marriage is so much better off.
It’s no coincidence why. I wake up with excitement because I know what I want and spend the majority of each day doing things that are aligned with who I am.
It doesn’t matter if a former peer at my day job turns their nose up at me. I don’t care if my in-laws judge me for my decision to not “just find a good job.” I clearly see what is important to me, and there’s no way I’d ever go back to how it was.
WHICH IS WHY I'M HERE, TALKING TO YOU NOW
I write essays about mythology, history and self-development. I know, weird combination, right?
I also write short stories where I rewrite the stories lesser-known characters from mythology from their point of view.
My long form Work-In-Progress, BOUND FOR THE HORIZON, is a novel that is based on the real nomads of the Eurasian Steppes that inspired the myths of the Amazon Warrior Women.